Year of the Grown Woman (reprint)

This content initially appeared in the online magazine, The Vyne. It leverages my thinking on authenticity to create a goal-setting (and meeting) process for the New year.

We all have that great aunt or family friend who says exactly what she thinks, whether you ask her or not, and is completely comfortable in her own skin as a self-possessed, powerful woman. That is a grown woman. Grown women are confident, they are clear on who they are and what they think. They make choices in alignment with their goals and are unapologetic about it. More than anything, they are themselves, come what may.

Earlier this year, The Vyne featured an article which highlighted a few grown woman-isms. Among them, tips on the importance of keeping your house clean, your bills paid and your personal presentation tight. But as we move into the new year, a year that promises to bring us new opportunities to shine, perhaps the most important grown woman-ism is to “Be yourself.” In Carla Harris’ book, Expect to Win, she highlights authenticity as being key to achieving personal and professional success. But what is authenticity? Ms. Harris describes it has having a clear sense of who you are and honoring sense of self through your choices. Being authentic maximizes your personal power and attracts opportunity and success to you. Consider these three tips to being authentic and nurturing your inner grown woman:

1) Get clear: If you can’t state with clarity the kind of job, relationship, friends, and life you want do not pass go, do not collect $200. You will be lost until you do. Take an hour, (get a glass of something if you must), make your lists, and prioritize what is important in each of those arenas – you’ll need that for the next step.

2) Make a commitment: When you know what matters to you, and how those things stack up against each other, you can commit to a course of action. If you’ve decided that right now is the time to make the leap for home ownership, then naturally taking a higher paying job trumps being able to work from home 2 days a week. But keep your eyes open – you might be able to have it all.

3) Be consistent: Once you’re clear on your values, your purpose and your needs and you’ve committed, make choices that are in alignment with your values, purpose and needs. Surround yourself with a community of friends and family who are also clear on what your intentions are and who can support you as you move with laser focus. Taking one step at a time in the direction of your goals with consistency will ensure that you meet them.

As we get older (and better!) we naturally become more self-assured but why not give that growth a turbo-boost with some healthy self-reflection. 2011 will be a year of tremendous growth and transformation, but only for those of us who are clear. We need to know now, more than ever, what matters most to us and why. Being a grown woman is about more than just taking care of business. It’s about being clear on who we are and what we want and pursuing those things with confidence. Here’s to the grown woman in you!

So tell us, how do you plan to be a “grown woman” in the new year?

Poem: Twice Born

I am lucky.
My mother loved me enough
to birth me twice.

The first time she was
young and strong and fertile.
Her hips spread wide,
her breathing deep,
She bore down and pushing
gave me life.
Sprung forth one early morning
to the winter air I came.

We had a life together,
my mother and I,
some silent agreement
that she would see me through life,
saving me from myself indefinitely.

One early morning,
my mother decided to birth me again
--she loved me that much.

This time, older and sicker,
body withered, drawing in,
shallow breath in stony lungs,
she, grasping, gave me life.
One early spring morning,
coldly lovingly she left
--and I came to my life again.

Our agreement broken
Or altogether different
Than I thought it was.

My mother birthed me twice.
She loved me that much.
I am lucky.

Be Impeccable With Your Word

As part of this 90 day challenge I am doing, I am tasked with living the mantra with which we begin and end each of our coaching calls. The full mantra, taken from Don Miguel Ruiz's seminal work, The Four Agreements, reads as follows --

Be impeccable with your word
Don't make assumptions
Don't take anything personally
Always do your best

In addition to living the mantra, we are tasked with writing several experts whose work/lives inspire us a handwritten letter of gratitude. I chose to write to some therapists, some coaches, but also to some extraordinary writers. In my chosen field, writing is core to the work I intend to do within the space of my expertise. It would follow that I'd select as inspirational guides and people after whom I'd like to model my own writing, writers and teachers like Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Kahlil Gibran, and Nikki Giovanni, people whose healing, enduring words have been translated to several languages, circulated around the globe and gifted to people repeatedly because of their sheer power.

I take so seriously the power of the written word, that I often suffer from paralysis when writing emails or when trying to craft a critical essay. In these letters of gratitude, however, the words came easily and quickly. Gratitude, genuine gratitude is one of the most natural things to express.

I took this approach when writing to Ms. Giovanni. I communicated how I am consistently moved by her poetry, how my mother was also a fan and how grateful I am that she had the audacity to share herself with us. Simple, to the point. Just like her reply - "Michelle, thank you for your kind words and for the memory of your mother. Nikki."