Poem: Coincidence of Nikki

You can be strong
You can choke back each tear
and tell the world you’re full of hate and anger
or that you’re fine and full of nothing at all.

You can lie to them
and tell them you’re fine and that you don’t remember
that he is crazy and that it doesn’t matter
but it means nothing to history, to those things which were

To the coincidence of Nikki
and the ceremonious Saturday French press coffee
to the bottles of wine and rubbing of shoulders
to the laughs and love and touching of skin

To the reality of what is still there
of what you are still full of
despite your best efforts to be strong
you are weak in the knees, in the mind, in the heart

And you hurt.
and you cry and you wonder what you you did
when you tell them you blame him – you blame you.
and you are sad, very sad for the things that were

And you want them back, some days
and you call his name some times
and you cry and you curse that you let it happen
despite your best effort to be strong

You can be strong and you can be hurt and you can cry and curse
and you can tell them and yourself that it is your fault
and his fault and love’s fault for pulling on you
so strong, so real, so here and there at once.